I should have my own TV show on the Food Network
where every episode I find an easy recipe on the internet, go through all the steps while making witty self deprecating banter, somehow fuck up along the way, render the final product inedible, then eat it anyway because I hate myself. I’ll call it “I Literally Can’t Do Anything Right.”
I am eating broccoli for dinner. BROCCOLI, guys, with HUMMUS. If Michelle Obama doesn’t organize a goddamn parade in my honor I will be actually pissed off.
Women Struggling to Drink Water →
This is old, but WHATEVAH. The ninth one down gets me every time.
There might be carbon monoxide in my house!!! No wait that’s just news. Anyway, if anyone feels down 2 chill wit me 2day, that would be much appreciated because I could die here. Byeeeeeeeee!!
Here’s a picture I found of a snazzy rabbit.
moseby: only in america is there 1 day dedicated to each parent and a whole week dedicated to sharks fucking shit up Uhhh AS IT SHOULD BE, HELLO
I just want the cute boy at Whole Foods to noticeee meeeeeee
tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?